By Nancy Duarte · Life on Earth Ministries / Bible Chicks

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Imagine yourself standing under a tree.

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If that tree is diseased, sick at the root,  it will drop hard, bitter, wormy fruit. And if you happen to be standing beneath it, that rotten fruit lands on you. It hits your shoulders, rolls at your feet, stains your clothes.

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Now here’s the question that changes everything: when the rotten fruit falls on you, does that make you rotten?

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Of course not. The fruit tells you about the tree, not about the ground it landed on.

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So many of us have stood under someone’s diseased branches for years, a husband, a mother, a sister, a friend, even a hurting child, catching their rotten fruit day after day, until somewhere along the way we stopped blaming the tree and started believing we were the rot. We picked up their bad fruit, took a bite, and swallowed it whole. We let it become the mirror we look into every morning.

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Today I want to give you permission —God’s permission—to spit it out.

What Jesus Taught Us

Jesus used this exact picture. In Matthew 12, the religious leaders were spitting venom at Him, and He turned and said, “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34, KJV). Just before it, He said, “A tree is known by its fruit.”

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Hear what He’s telling you: what pours out of a person’s mouth is the overflow of what’s stored in their heart. When someone vomits filth on you, degrading you, twisting the truth, calling you names, they are not handing you a verdict about your worth. They are showing you a window into their heart. It was never about you. It concerned the tree it came from.

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And watch how Jesus Himself handled filth. In John 8, a mob dragged a woman out to shame her, ready to bury her in their condemnation. Jesus scattered them, and then He turned to her and said, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11, KJV).

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Look at that closely, because the whole lesson lives in one breath. He refused the crowd’s condemnation — and He gave her a faithful word. “No condemnation” and “go, sin no more.” He didn’t let the filth characterize her, and He didn’t pretend she had no growing to do. That, sister, is the holy balance we’re after.

What Paul Tried to Convey

Years later, the apostle Paul, writing from a prison cell, of all places, picked up the very same idea for everyday people learning to live new lives. He wrote, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29, KJV).

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Here’s the beautiful detail: the word Paul chose for “corrupt” is the Greek word sapros, which literally means ” rotten. “It’s the same word used for bad, spoiled fruit. Do you see it? Paul and Jesus are describing the same diseased tree. Rotten words come from a rotten root.

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But Paul doesn’t stop at “stop the rot.” He gives the replacement: speak what builds people up and gives grace to those who hear it. Words were designed by God to give life. And then he says something that should make us all sit up straight. In the very next verse, he warns, “grieve not the holy Spirit of God” (Ephesians 4:30). Meaning: when we sling rotten words, we don’t just wound a person. We grieve the heart of God Himself.

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So think about it. A toxic person does the exact opposite of Ephesians 4:29 every single day, tearing down instead of building up, corroding instead of giving grace. If we truly lived this verse in our homes, we would rarely see the wreckage we see. It’s a blueprint for what healthy love sounds like — and a mirror that exposes what toxic love really is.

Filth or a Faithful Word? Learning to Tell the Difference

Now, here’s where we become wise women and not just wounded ones. Because there’s a ditch on both sides of this road. One ditch is swallowing every cruel word as gospel truth. But the other ditch is just as dangerous, getting so hurt that we call all correction “abuse” and refuse to ever grow.

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So how do we tell rotten fruit from a faithful word?

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Condemnation attacks who you are. It’s vague, shameful, and hopeless. “You’re worthless. You’ll never change. You’re a terrible mother.” It comes to bury you. That is the filth; refuse it.

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Conviction, a faithful word, addresses what you did and points you toward life. It’s specific, humble, and it leaves you with hope. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6, KJV). It may sting — but it heals. That you receive.

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Condemnation says, “You ARE the problem.” A faithful word says, “There’s a problem, and I love you enough to help you face it.” One is from the pit. One is from a friend. Learn this difference, and you will never again mistake abuse for accountability, or honest love for an attack.

The Truth I Need You to Carry Out the Door

Here is the most important thing I will say today, so let it sink all the way down to where the filth used to live:

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Your worth is in God — not in people.

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The reason you don’t have to eat anyone’s rotten fruit is that no human mouth sets your value in the first place. God did. “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). “Thou wast precious in my sight… and I have loved thee” (Isaiah 43:4). And because of Jesus, “There is therefore now no condemnation” (Romans 8:1).

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Their mouth is loud. God’s Word is final. When you accept someone’s filth as the truth about you, you’re not being humble — you’re actually disagreeing with God about His own daughter. The most faithful thing you can do is let His sound be the loudest voice in the room.

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And if the Spirit has been murmuring that you’ve been the rotten-fruit tree in someone’s life, your child, your spouse, your friend, hear me: that murmur isn’t condemnation; it’s a faithful word from your Father. The hope of the gospel is that He doesn’t just clean up your words; He gives you a new heart. “A new heart also will I give you” (Ezekiel 36:26). Change the root, and the fruit takes care of itself. It is never too late to bless what you may have cursed.

Reflection Questions for the Sisters

Sit with these. Bring them to Bible Chicks. Bring them to God.

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To Discern (filth or a faithful word?)

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1. Think of a hard word recently spoken over you. Did it attack who you are, or address what you did?
2. Did it leave you in shame and hopelessness — or with a clear, hopeful next step?
3. Was the heart behind it trying to bury you or build you?

To Own Up To (am I ever the rotten fruit?) 4. Whose face comes to mind when you ask, “Have I spoken death over someone I love?” 5. When you’re empty and exhausted, what tends to spill out of your mouth — and what does that reveal about what your heart needs to bring to God? 6. Is there a word you need to repent of today and replace with a blessing?

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To Set Boundaries (refusing the filth) 7. What is one filthy word you’ve been swallowing as “truth” that you will refuse from this day on? 8. Where do you need to “stay on your wall” and stop climbing down to fight every mouth? 9. What is one boundary — a conversation you’ll walk away from, a topic that’s off-limits, a relationship you’ll limit — that protects the truth God says about you?

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To Remember 10. What does God say you are? Find one verse this week, write it on your mirror, and speak it out loud until it is louder than the filth.

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💛 Come Sit With Us at Bible Chicks

You were never meant to sort all this out. At Bible Chicks, we open the Word together, we get honest about the rotten fruit we’ve been carrying, and we learn, as real, hurting, growing women — to refuse the filth and receive the truth. There’s a seat here with your name on it.

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Come join us 👉 www.duarte.coach/bc

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You are not what they call you. You are what God calls you: His, loved, fearfully and wonderfully made — and created for so much more.

​With love, Nancy